The Goodsell Family

Dear body,

I don’t know who you are anymore. I don’t know what happened to you after the delivery of our beautiful baby girl, and neither do the doctors. From the doctors saying, “this is your healthiest pregnancy out of the 4” to “Christine we just don’t know what’s happening to you” after 6 weeks feels like a blow some days. 

Walking 3 mph on the treadmill feels like a marathon now. Walking up the steps without pain or dropping is a huge success right now. Getting through one day without immense pain and confusion is scarce.

Dear heart, mind, skin, muscles, bones, joints, glands, and brain, what happened? Can there be so many unknowns? Is it possible for me to be in an entirely different body possible?  Can doctors really not know what happened after the best delivery of my 4 children? I feel defeated, lost, and like my body is just quitting; it feels like I can’t escape.

Dear God, you’re never-changing. No matter the season, the time, the emotion, you are constant. No matter the level of energy or bodily function, you give enough breath and energy for the day. Thank you. Please help me to remember you first before any physical condition here on earth. Please give clarity to my mind when all is foggy. Please give relief to my body when it feels done.

Dear God, thank you for the way you answered dozens of prayers we’ve prayed over the course of this pregnancy. Thank you that May 20 was one of the most beautiful days of my existence. Thank you for the clarity of mind and heart you gave me during labor and delivery. Thank you for your presence—more real than I’ve ever felt and the way you allowed my baby girl to enter this world. Thank you for all you gave me that I didn’t deserve. 

Please help me to never forget May 20, when these 6 weeks have been a constant battle for every part of my body, my heart, my mind, and my Hope in You. Please help me daily surrender to You, no matter the circumstance. Please keep me close, when my earthly state forcefully attempts to pull away.

Love, Christine  

Dear Little Girl,

It’s hard to believe that soon we will get to meet you. We’ve gotten to see you on many ultrasounds, and I’m always in awe seeing a glimpse of the complexity of your design by God. You are beautiful! I’ll never forget this journey we have had so far together. While in ways, the pregnancy itself has been similar to your siblings, there are things that have been strikingly different. Physically, the first two trimesters were cake. I’ve never had more energy and drive those first 28 weeks. We were part of a wedding, we went through holidays, moved to a new house, and stayed busy with your brothers. By the third trimester (which usually is fairly painless), each week got tougher. All these little girl hormones were new to me. A fourth pregnancy in six years started to take a toll, but it has been worth it. We joke that you’ve made me a balloon of 25 lbs this time. I never gained much with your brothers, but I’ve never been happier to be a growing balloon with you! While the physical is visible to those around us, the spiritual, mental, emotional are very different this time (in a good way).

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There are some special people who have inspiring lives. When you see them, you smile. When you think of them, there’s usually a positive thought or memory. When you have a conversation with them, you are reminded of the simplicity and beauty in life. I’m grateful to have a person like this in my life, my great-aunt. My younger two kids and I visited her a week ago today. At just a couple years away from a century of life, she has a mindset, perspective, and life that I truly admire. She radiates gratitude and love to all around her, and has for as long as I can remember.

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Family—the people you do life with. They support one another through thick and thin and who are more than just surface-level relationships. These are many of the people, (as well as others not shown), that we have done life with for at least the last 5-10 years, and some even longer. When people say it takes a village to raise a family (and it certainly does), here is part of ours.

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